Nobody tells you how to process your feelings when you get diagnosed with MRKH.
As you receive the news usually at the age of between 15-18yrs, your probably just leaving school or already at college, your not thinking about the future as such and maybe your not in a serious relationship…So how do you process that your future self will not be able to carry your own child EVER.
I don’t know how others who were at similar ages felt when they are diagnosed, but for me i fell straight into the BIG BLACK HOLE that is depression.
It was a dark time for a few months after diagnosis, i remember being in bed for a lot of that time, having my own pity party in my head. The Why me? Why not somebody else? Nobody will want me as i can’t have children, whats the point of my existence if i can’t be a mummy. Thoughts that really i should have been able to speak to somebody about, but there was no support i had to get through it by myself as i wouldn’t and didn’t feel comfortable talking to my parents at the time about it.
I woke up one morning after the dark months and just thought i need to start going out again, i need to see my friends again, i need to go to college again or find a job, i need to WAKE UP out of this black hole i was in. I started to see my friends again and slowly i started to live my life and block out the MRKH.
A few years later the depression was to come back with a bang to the point my 20’s were quite a teary blur and i can’t really remember much only that i was crying constantly, it seemed to be all the time and nothing anybody would say could console me or get the negative thoughts out of my head.
I was on antidepressants for a few years and they did help me through to a point i could finally come of them, again i felt like i had ‘woken up’ at the age of 29/30yrs old. I started noticing the seasons changing, everything seemed to be in colour something i hadn’t noticed for such a long time as i had been in this black cloud. I felt normal again,i did still get the negative thoughts now and again but i was trying to be positive and live a positive life but whenever you think you think you have it together there is always something to knock you back a few steps but thats for another day.
The Childless Aunt X
(Image from http://affinitymagazine.us)