Well where do i begin and why am i bearing my soul for the whole world to see and know my personal story?
I have started this blog to be a voice for ladies and young girls who have MRKH and make awareness of the syndrome in the North of England so that maybe, just maybe the hospitals that diagnose MRKH will start to offer some specialist help in the form of support, counselling, to be able to get some kind of closure if you can call it that and be able to have a fulfilling childless life if the other options that are available for infertility are not an option they want to take. It seems that a lot of women and young girls are been diagnosed, have whatever treatment they need and then we are all left to find our way in the world, with some even contemplating suicide.
It’s taken me 17 years to be able to find any other ladies in this big wide world who have the same syndrome and to find the support i so DESPERATELY needed, the MRKH ‘sisterhood’ is an AMAZING community that totally understand the highs and lows of been childless and the feelings it makes you have in regards to your mental health. If i had the support from other ladies who have the syndrome or support from the hospital when diagnosed then i wouldn’t have probably suffered as much depression, despair and unworthiness as i have done over the last 17 years.
I am not childless i have just come to a realisation of this as i have 7 beautiful nieces and nephews that i cherish as if they were my own.
But what is MRKH i hear you ask?
MRKH is Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome which is a disorder that occurs in females and mainly affects the reproductive system. The condition causes the uterus and the vagina to be underdeveloped or absent.
My story starts probably the same as the majority diagnosed with MRKH Syndrome.
I found out i had MRKH Syndrome when i was 17 nearly 18 years old after not starting my periods and from persistence from my mum through a lot of doctors appointments and a lot of intrusive tests at the hospital.
After having a laparoscopy to find out the true extent of what was wrong i was diagnosed and the consultant came to explain to me that i had my Fallopian tubes, my ovaries but no uterus or cervix.
I laid there in bed still with the effects of the anaesthetic in my system not taking in a word the consultant was saying to me, saying it was fine i don’t want children anyway I’m too young to be thinking about that. All the while a piece of me inside was dying as he was talking to me.
After my parents left me that evening in hospital and i was alone with my own thoughts, i cried myself to sleep, thinking that nobody would want me as i couldn’t have children, what my purpose in life now was if it wasn’t to be a mummy to 2 beautiful children that i had always dreamt about since been little when playing with my dolls.
I fell into a depression, a despair, a theres no point to anything so whats the point of getting out of bed for, i withdrew from my friends, my college course, my family, i didn’t want to talk about it in any shape way or form.
After about 3 months i woke up and thought I’m still 17 years old that having children was in the future i can’t be laying in bed for the rest of my life, so i asked my 2 closest friends to come round and i explained what had happened and why i hadn’t been seeing them. They were really supportive and i started going back out and getting back to my ‘normal’ self to an extent.
Little did i know that was just the beginning of the struggle to get to where i am today.
If you got to the bottom of this blog post, thank you for taking the time to read and i hope you enjoyed.
The Childless Aunt x